Rayees Ahmad Kumar / Asian Nama
Marriages are strongly recommended in Islam. The Prophet (PBUH) says, “Nikah is my Sunnah; whoever denies it is not among us, and we have nothing to do with him.”
It is through marriages that a clan is preserved and its roots give rise to new branches. When nikah becomes expensive, zina becomes cheap. Therefore, we must take every possible step to make weddings as simple and affordable as possible.
After a child is born, parents aspire to provide him or her with a good education so that, in the years ahead, he or she does not become a financial liability upon them. Once the child has received a good education and secured a good job, the parents then wish to find a suitable life partner for their loved one. But once the nuptial knot is tied, they often forget the most important aspect of the wedding ceremony—the manner in which a wedding should be celebrated and the teachings of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) regarding simplicity and austerity in marriages. Due to extravagance in marriages, thousands of girls belonging to low-income families have crossed the marriageable age.
Extravagance in marriages among economically well-off families is not only one of the biggest evils in our society, but it also proves to be a disaster for those families and parents who cannot afford luxurious items for their daughters. With each passing day, new customs and traditions are emerging in Kashmir, which is known as the Pir Vaer, where we ought to live with simplicity and celebrate our weddings with austerity. Unnecessary customs such as Thaph Travin—the first step before the wedding, in which a few people from the groom’s side visit the bride-to-be’s home, where they eat, drink, and exchange money and gifts, placing a heavy financial burden on both parties—have added to the expenses. Similarly, Pialas Trawun, a decades-old custom in which a few people from the groom’s side used to visit the girl’s home with an amount of Rs 1,100, signifying the agreement between the two families, has also become unnecessarily expensive with the introduction of new and costly practices. Pachhi, in which a large number of men and women from both families visit each other’s homes, is another major financial burden, particularly on the bride’s parents. Yeaz Boug, in which both parties visit each other’s homes with Eid gifts and other items after every Eid before the wedding, is another practice that adds to the financial burden. All these customs and many others are putting an increasing financial burden on poor people who cannot afford them and are forced to spend their years-long savings on such ceremonies.
The concept of dowry, though an old practice, is definitely a big curse in our society and needs to be uprooted at the earliest.
Well-off families not only provide their daughters with items needed for daily life but, in some cases, even give cars, houses and residential plots as dowry. It is because of these practices that, in every corner of the Valley, thousands of girls above the age of 35 to 40 are waiting for marriage. Instead of spending extravagantly on the weddings of their own children, if well-off families come forward to help children from poor backgrounds, especially daughters, get married, it would not only help uproot one of the biggest evils in our society but would also bring great relief to such families. Individuals, social groups, NGOs and religious organisations must come forward and encourage people to give up extravagance in weddings and instead adopt simplicity while tying the nuptial knots of their beloved children.
This, besides making our society healthier, will also develop a tradition of saving our money, energy and resources for more meaningful purposes, rather than spending our entire earnings on ceremonies and sinking ourselves into huge debts.
Writer is a columnist based in Qazigund Kashmir
